Road Trip!
by Renoir Fione
Summary: What happens when you place Wolverine, Charles, Sabertooth, Blob, and Toad in the same car and send them off to a convention? Insanity ensues!
1. And so it Begins

**Road Trip!**

_I do not own anything. With that settled, let us begin our story:)_

_A rusty Volkswagen is parked outside Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. There are piles of suitcases sitting beside the car. Wolverine, Sabertooth, and Toad are loading them into the trunk. _

**Toad:** So...Again, how'd we get into this?

**Wolverine:** You of all people should know. The superhero convention...remember? Magneto was supposed to come, but he sent you and Blob instead.

**Toad: **_Eyes widen. _Ohhhhhh yeaaaaah! He sent us 'cause he said he had more important things to do!

_The camera cuts back to Magneto's lair. Magento slides into his chambers wearing nothing but his tighty-whities and a pair of sunglasses. 'Taking Care of Buisiness' is playing in the background and he's bobbing his head to the beat._

**Magneto: **A villain's gotta have fun too sometimes!

_Magneto pretends to play the electric guitar._

**Magneto:** . Taking care of buisiness and working overtime. WORKOUT!

_Blob wheels Charles Xavier toward them._

**Charles:** Lighten up, Logan. This could be a positive learning experience for all of us. Through this male bonding trip we'll have aquired more information about each other, and maybe even a little about ourselves!

_Blob looks at Toad's suitcase._

**Blob:** You got any food in there?

_A fly is heard buzzing around Toad's head. Toad rolls his eyes and catches the fly with his tongue. He presents the partially dead fly to Blob. _

**Toad:** Want it?

**Blob:** _Disturbed. _Um...No thanks...

**Toad:** Suit yourself!_ CRUNCH!_

**Sabertooth:** Hey, slackers, why don't you quit yapping and give me a hand here!

_Blob and Toad nod and help Wolverine and Sabertooth with the rest of the suitcases._

**Charles: **All right, now that that's settled, let us be off!

_Sabertooth and Wolverine get into the front of the car. Then Toad climbs into the back. Blob squeezes himself into the car, taking up two seats._

**Toad:** O.o;

**Charles:** _Realizing there's no room for him. _Oh dear...

**Sabertooth:** What do we do now?

**Wolverine:**_ Happily. _I guess we'll have to cancel the road trip! Oh well:)

**Charles: **Not so fast, Logan!

**Wolverine:** Huh?

**Charles: **Strap me to the roof.

**Wolverine:** Are you serious!

**Charles:** Yes. I cannot let us pass up an opportunity like this. This is the chance of a life time! We musn't give up so quickly. So strap me to the roof.

**Wolverine:** What ever you say...TT

_The rusty Volkswagen is now driving down the highway. Sabertooth looks boredly out into space as he drives down the road. Wolverine is playing with the radio, Toad is playing Tetris on his old Gameboy, and Blob picks the dust out of his naval. Charles Xavier sits peacefully ontop of the car, unmoving._

**Wolverine: **_Still looking for a good station. _Where's all the music! _Among the songs Wolverine skips through, he passes Total Eclipse of the Heart._

**Sabertooth:** Oooo! Put that back!

**Wolverine:** Put what back?

**Sabertooth:** That song! That's my favorite song!

_Wolverine looks at him confusedly and skips back to Total Eclipse of the Heart._

**Sabertooth:** _Singing. _Turn arooooooound, bright eyes! Every now and then I fall apa-a-art! Turn arooooound bri-ight eyes! Every now and then I fall apart! And I need you now tonight. And I need you more than ever!

**Wolverine:** You've gotta been kiddin' me! This is the stupidest song ever created!

**Sabertooth:** No it's not! It has lovely lyrics and emotional depth!

**Wolverine:** It's just a girl destroying her voice over a microphone! You call that emotional depth!

**Toad: **_Singing with Sabertooth. _And if you only hold me ti-i-ight, we'll be holding on forever!

**Wolverine: **O.O

**Toad and Blob:** And we'll only be making it ri-i-ight, 'cause we'll never be wrong!

**Toad, Blob, Xavier, and Sabertooth:** Together we can take it to the eeeeeeeeend of the line! You love is like a shadow on me all of the time!

**Wolverine:** O.O;;;

**Sabertooth:** . I don't know what to do and I'm aaaaaaaalways in the dark! We're living in a powder leg and givin' off sparks!

_Now even the people from other cars are starting to sing. There are fireworks and special effects going off in the background._

**Wolverine:** WHAT THE!--

**Everyone except Wolverine:** I REALLY NEED YOU TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! FOREVER'S GONNA START TONI-I-IGHT! FOREVER'S GONNA START TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

**Sabertooth:** _Sad. _Once upon a time I was falling in love...

**Toad, Blob, Xavier, and Sabertooth:** But now I'm only falling apart...Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heeeeeeeeeeart...

**Wolverine:** I hate you all...


	2. Wrong Turn

GOTHAM CITY, BOSTON

**Toad:** Arewethereyet?

**Sabertooth:** No! 

**Toad:** ...Now?

Sabertooth: _A little more aggravated. _No!

**Toad:** Now?

**Sabertooth:** NOOOOOOOOOO!

_The car passes a big road sign: Gotham City, Boston._

**Toad:** Hey! Wait a sec! We started out in New York and now we're in Boston! _To Sabertooth. _Don't you know how to read a map!

_Sabertooth growls as he reads the map upside down. Everyone groans._

**Wolverine:** Hey, we've been driving around for a while. We might as well stop and rest.

_Sabertooth is about to turn Wolverine's suggestion down when he realizes Toad is not wearing his seatbelt. _

**Sabertooth:** Sounds good to me:)

_Sabertooth slams on the breaks. Toad goes flying out the front window._

**Toad:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! _THUMP!_

**Blob:** Geez! Who taught you how to drive! OO

_Sabertooth gives him a devilish grin._

**Charles:** Toad, are you all right!

**Toad: **God...Is that you?

_The car is now parked outside a shanty motel. Blob and Toad stay in one room and Wolverine, Sabertooth, and Xavier are in the room next to them. Toad is lying on one of the beds. There are billions of springs sticking out the sides. Blob stand over him, holding an icepack over Toad's head._

**Blob:** You know you really should remember to wear your seat belt next time. Do you know how many accidents happen because people forget to wear their seatbelts!

**Toad:** _Shakes his head as if trying to snap himself out of something. _Do you think they have room service in here? I wouldn't mind grabbing a bite to eat.

**Blob:** Me too!

_Blob grabs the phone next to Toad. Dial tone...Dial tone...Dial tone..._

**Lady:** Room service, room 666, how can I help you?

**Blob:** Yeah. On the menu, get us two of everything.

_Toad checks his wallet. It's close to empty. Toad looks at Blob confusedly._

**Blob:** Don't worry. The Professor will cover it.

**Toad:** :)

_25 minutes later..._

_A lady knocks on the door to Blob and Toad's room. She has a giant cart with all the entres. Blob answers the door._

**Lady:** Here's your food. That'll be $220.50 and--

_Blob is about to pay when, out of the corner of his eye, he sees a huge, partially dead creature on the plate._

**Blob:** What is that! Oo;

**Lady:** That's the soup of the day.

_Toad hops on top of Blob's shoulder. He looks down at the meal._

**Toad: **Wow! This place has flies in the soup and everything. I like it here!

_Blob notices another entre covered in hair and mucas._

**Blob:** I don't even want to know what that thing is!

**Lady:** Your bill, sir?

**Blob:** No way, Lady! I want a refund. This is not food, it's...a monstrosity!

**Lady:** You ordered it, NOW PAY UP!

_Sabertooth, Wolverine, and Charles hear the racket and run into the next room._

**Charles:** What seems to be the problem?

**Blob: **_Pointing to the disgustings foods. _That!

_Toad is already starting in on the fly soup._

**Toad:** I don't see what's wrong. This food is great!

**Everyone: **OO:;

**Lady:** Fine! If you won't pay, I'll call the authorities!

**Charles:** They'll be no need for that. I have the money right here.

**Lady:** Oh no. It wasn't just $220.50 I wanted from them. You see, they didn't check the menu. I wanted $220.50 and...A SOUL!

**Everyone:** What!

**Lady:** You heard me correctly, a soul. Do you know where you are! You're in...MOTEL HELL!

**Wolverine:** Hold on a sec! First of all, Motel Hell isn't in Gotham. Motel Hell is out in the midwest! Second of all, Motel Hell doesn't collect souls, they collect human flesh to serve as smoked meat!

**Toad: **O.O _Lays his plate gently back down on the tray._

**Lady: **Your petty rebukes will not save you now! I'm stealing your souls either way!

**Wolverine:** Oh really!

_Wolverine's metal claws come out. He gives her two quick slashes to the neck, but she is unaffected._

**Wolverine:** What the!

_The lady's head begins to spin._

**Lady:** Stay in Motel Hell forever!

**Toad:** I don't know about you guys, but I don't feel like fighting today! Lets just get outta here!

_Toad jumps out the nearest window._

**Blob:** I'm fine with that!

_Blob follows. Sabertooth goes next._

**Wolverine:** Come on, Professor!

_Wolverine throws Charles out the window, wheel chair and all._

**Charles: **Whee!

_Wolverine follows after him._


	3. The Batmobile has been Hijacked!

_The group runs to the front of the motel where they'd originally parked the car, only to find that the car is nowhere to be found._

**Blob: **We're doomed! 

**Wolverine:** It can't be!

_Lady follows after them._

**Lady:** I'm coooooming!

**Blob: **Quick! What do we do!

_Out of the corner of his eye, Toad spots a jet black car with two scraps of metal, resembling wings, protruding from the back of the vehicle. It has a gigantic tailpipe, seemingly made for speed. Yes, Toad had found their escape car. Toad had found...The Batmobile!_

**Toad:** Guys! Look over there!

_Wolverine notices the car._

**Wolverine:** Perfect! Everybody get in!

**Charles:** We can't just steal someone else's car! Surely there must be a better way to--

_Sabertooth smashes the side windows of the car. Everybody jumps into the car, except for Charles who is strapped on top._

**Charles: **TT

_Sabertooth slams the petal and puts the car into Turbo. The car speeds away from the motel. A few minutes after the escape, Batman and Albert approach the area where their car was once parked, only to discover it has gone missing._

**Batman:** Drat! This is the second time this month my Batmobile's been hijacked!

**Albert: **You really must put better security on it next time, Master Wayne...

**Batman:** If there _is _a next time!

_The Batmobile is driving around Gotham City._

**Toad:** Well that was close! Who'd have thought such a seemingly harmless girl would turn out to be close to impossible to destroy!

**Wolverine:** If Blueboy were there, he'd have blessed the crap outta that thing.

**Charles: **Well, the important thing is that we all got out okay.

_Everyone nods their heads._

_Toad puts his head out the window and looks up. There is a giant beam of light in the sky with a bat emblem in the center._

**Toad: **Hey, Blob, what's that?

_Blob shrugs. Charles looks up at the sky aswell._

**Charles: **Oh no!

**Toad: **What?

**Charles: **Gotham City only puts on that light when there's trouble. They need Batman's help and his car's been stolen!

_Sabertooth sees a bright purple and yellow car in his rear view mirror. The Harlequinn is behind the wheel and Joker is in the backseat._

**Sabertooth: **Hm...This could be fun!

**Joker: **I'll get you this time, Batman! There's no escaping me now!

_Joker opens the sun roof and begins shooting at the Batmobile with a Tommy gun._

**Toad:** DUCK! O.O

_Everybody in the car gets down. Charles doesn't do anything but watch._

**Charles: **Serves you all right for stealing another superhero's car!

**Sabertooth: **I know what to do!

_Sabertooth puts the car into shift, driving full speed backwards into Joker's car. Again, Toad forgets to wear his seatbelt and is sent flying through the back window._

**Toad: **NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!

_Toad crashes through the Joker's front window and lands in the passenger's seat, next to Harle._

**Harle: **OO

**Toad: **...Hey, baby! Wanna joke around with me?

**Joker: **_Enraged. _YOU'RE NOT BATMAN!

_Toad makes kissy faces to Harle._

**Harle: **YOU'RE NOT MISTA J! 

_Harle slams on the breaks, sending Toad flying through the window._

**Toad: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

_He lands back in his own seat with the X Men. Everybody stares at him with disbelief._

**Toad:** ...It didn't work out...;;

**Blob: **They're still following us!

_Wolverine looks down at the floor. He sees the Batspear._

**Wolverine: **I guess it's worth a shot. _Calling to Toad and Blob. _Get down!

_Toad and Blob duck and Wolverine aims the spear at Joker's car. The spear goes through the window and misses Joker. It peirces and stays backseat cushion instead._

**Wolverine: **Damn!

_Suddenly, Magneto is spotted hovering over the Batmobile._

**Toad: **_Confused. _Master?

**Blob: **How did he find us?

**Magneto: **_Angry. _I don't know. Maybe the fact that Charles is strapped to the roof gave it away! I should have known you two would pull off something like this!

_The Joker begins shooting at the Batmobile once again._

**Magneto: **Get out of the car, all of you!

_Sabertooth, Wolverine, Blob, and Toad leap from the car. Magneto pulls Charles to safety as the Batmobile drives away._

**Joker:** Hey!

_Magneto uses his power to secure the seatbelts around Joker and Harle._

**Joker: **What's this!

_Magneto lifts the Batmobile into the air, with Joker's car dangling behind._

**Joker and Harle: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

**Announcer: **We interrupt this program to give you a special news broadcast.

**Reporter: **Hello, Gotham. I am Duncan Doenuts and this is Gotham News at Ten!

_The camera cuts to an aerial view of the Joker and Batmobile being lifted to the air._

**Reporter: **What we are witnessing is a phenomina of the strangest kind. Either I'm am totally tripping, or I'm seeing the Batmobile and a bright purple car being lifted into the air without airplane or anyone behind the wheel. Here, live, we have a witness, Gotham's hero and savior, Batman! Batman, do you have an comment on this strange event?

**Batman: **So _that's _where it's been!

**Reporter: **This is Duncan Doenuts, out!

**Joker and Harle: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

_Magneto drops the Batmobile on the tallest building in Gotham, leaving Joker's car dangling off the edge._

**Joker: **Well this stinks! TT

_Magneto then descends higher into the sky._

**Magneto: **We'll meet again Charles!

**Charles: **_To Wolverine, Sabertooth, Toad, and Blob. _Let us be off. Something tells us we've worn out our welcome here.

**Wolverine: **But what do you suppose we do now? We don't have a car!

_Out of the corner of his eye, toad spots a small, white Buggie. It has two stripes, red and blue on the front and it's labeled number fifty-three._

**Toad: **Hey, how 'bout that--

**Charles, Wolverine, Sabertooth, and Blob:** NO!


	4. Back in New York and Without a Car

NEW YORK...AGAIN

_Sabertooth, Blob, and Toad are walking down a lonely road. Wolverine is pushing Xavier's wheel chair._

**Toad:** I can't believe how long we've been walking.

**Blob: **My feet are starting to blister.

**Toad: **Mine too. Wanna see?

**Blob:** No... OO

**Wolverine:** This is stupid. We can't _walk _all the way to San Diego!

**Charles: **Well, we could have went to a car dealership back in Boston, but that would have meant passing through the police. We've already caused enough trouble in Gotham.

**Wolverine:** I guess you're right.

**Sabertooth:** But we still need a car!

**Wolverine:** Look, there's a bar just up ahead. Why don't we stop by and grab a few drinks. Maybe they'll be another motel nearby.

**Blob:** I never want to go into another motel as long as I live!

_A few minutes later, the group is settled in the bar, drinks in hand. Toad, with keen eye, notices a bulletine hung by their table. It reads:_

**Talent Contest**

**Winners will receive$500 and a new car!**

**Toad:** Well that's painfully convenient! We could win that easily!

**Charles:** But how? Remember, we can't use our mutant powers. People might be offended.

**Sabertooth:** Wait! I've got a plan!

_A ray of light comes down on Sabertooth. Chorale music starts playing in the background._

**Charles: **What is it, Sabertooth?

_Sabertooth whispers his idea into Xavier's eye._

**Charles: **That's just brilliant enough to work!

_Five minutes later, Charles, Wolverine, Sabertooth, Blob, and Toad are in the men's room. The reader can hear their voices from outside the rest room._

**Wolverine: **I want to be the biker!

**Sabertooth: **No! You're the Indian! _I'm _the biker! It was my idea afterall!

**Toad: **I feel a little naked in these chaps!

**Blob: **Toad! You're supposed to wear pants with those!

**Toad: **Oops...

**Wolverine: **Kid, are you _trying _to burn my eyes out!

**Toad: **Sorry...

**Blob: **Geez, I hope I can fit into this!

_From behind the door, you can hear Blob collapse to the floor. Sabertooth lets out a loud screeeeeeeeeech!_

**Sabertooth: **You clumsy oaf!

**Wolverine: **Hey Charles, you look kinda good in that hat!

**Charles: **Thank you, but your headdress is a little crooked.

**Wolverine: **It is? Oh yeah! Thanks.

**Charles: **Are we ready?

**Sabertooth: **I think so.

**Charles: **All right, everyone. Do your best!

**Wolverine:** And remember, if any of you mess up, I'll hunt you down and make you wish you'd never been born.

**Everyone: **OO

**Sabertooth: **Right, lets get out there and knock them dead!

**Everyone: **Yeah!

**Announcer: **Okay, everyone! Lets give it up for our next contestants! Wolverine, Sabertooth, Charles, Toad, and Blob!

_The audience cheers. Wolverine, Sabertooth, Charles, Toad, and Blob burst through the bathroom door dressed up as The Village People. Wolverine is dressed as an Indian, Sabertooth as a biker, Charles as a construction worker, Toad as a cowboy, and Blob as a cop. The audience cheers louder. YMCA starts to play as the team runs up onto the stage._

**Everyone: **Young man!

**Blob: **There's no need to feel down! I said--

**Everyone: **Young man!

**Toad: **Pick yourself off the ground! I said--

**Everyone: **Young man!

**Sabertooth:** 'Cause you're in a new town--

**Everyone: **There's no need to be unhappy!

_Toad sings to the audience. There's a group of girls screaming in the front row who are trying to tear off his clothing._

**Toad: **Young man, there's a place you can go. I said, young man, when you're short on your dough you can stay there, and I'm sure you will find--

**Everyone: **Many ways to have a good time!

**Wolverine: **It's fun to stay at the--

_Everybody begins to do the YMCA signals with their arms._

**Everybody: **Y-M-C-A! It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!

**Charles: **They have everything for young men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys!

_Song fades into a montage. The audience gives them a standing obation at the end of the song._

**Announcer: **From the sound of the applause I think I know who the winners are! Wolverine, Sabertooth, Charles, Toad, and Blob, come up here and claim your prize!

_The group runs up the stage. Wolverine grabs the mic to make an acceptance speech._

**Wolverine: **Thank you, everyone! We are so glad to have performed for you all!

_Sabertooth leans over Wolverine and speaks into the mic._

**Sabertooth: **We couldn't have done it without you!

_Charles takes the mic from Wolverine.  
_  
**Charles: **But we must get going. We are to attend a convention all the way in California and we must get there as soon as possible.

_Toad leans into the mic._

**Toad: **So thank you--

**Blob: **AND GOODNIGHT!

_The audience cheers as Sabertooth, Wolverine, Charles, Toad, and Blob leave New York in their new red Studebaker._


	5. Talking to Toads

HAMLIN, PENNSYLVANIA

**Sabertooth: **You guys are lame.

**Everyone: **Huh?

**Sabertooth: **I mean, we're all so different from each other. I kind of wish I had another wild cat to talk to!

**Charles: **Well, Pennsylvania _does _have a zoo nearby.

**Toad: **I wouldn't mind catching up with my fellow toads either.

**Charles: **Then it's settled. The zoo is just up ahead. We can stop there. After all, we don't have to be in San Diego for another four days!

**Sabertooth and Toad: **Yessssss!

_Charles, Wolverine, Sabertooth, Toad, and Blob are now in the center of the zoo._

**Charles: **All right, since we all want to observe different creatures, I say we pair ourselves off.

**Wolverine: **Meh. I don't really care about what I want to see first.

**Charles: **I have been particularly interested in the ways of the duck-billed platypus. Why don't you come with me Wolverine.

**Wolverine: **Sounds good to me!

**Blob:** I'm hungry!

**Toad: **Well, the amphibians and reptiles section of the zoo is right next to the food court...

**Blob: **Partner?

**Toad: **Partner:)

**Sabertooth:** And I'm going over to the Cougar den.

**Charles: **We'll meet up with each other when that clock hits noon.

_Sabertooth is now at the Cougar den. They look at him confusedly._

**Sabertooth: **What mysteries of life do you share, wild cougars? Do you know of the pain I feel inside? Do you look up into the clouds and see me there in all my sorrow and woe? Can you separate a tiger from a lily, and yet still call it a tigerlily? There was one time when I only thought I was the wild cat I felt inside, but now that I'm with you guys, I truly am...What words of wisdom might you enlighten me with today?

**Cougar #1: **_To the cougar sitting next to him. _What is this guy _talking _about!

**Sabertooth:** Huh!

**Cougar #2: **_To Sabertooth. _Hey! The guy who's supposed to feed us is late. Will you go get him?

**Sabertooth: **Uh... _Thinking the cougars might not have heard his question. _What words of wisdom might you have for me today?

**Cougar #1: **Um...We don't have any. You see, we don't know of anything other than what goes on inside this glass case. Why don't you ask a real mountain lion?

**Sabertooth:** Ugh...

_Mortimer (this scene will get confusing unless I use Toad's real name for this scene instead) and Blob are now at the amphibian and reptile section of the zoo. Toad is hovering over a glass case. Three toads are sitting on lilypads._

**Toad #1: **_To Toad #2 _So...How's it been going with that lady toad you've started dating?

**Toad #2:** I don't like her. I think I'm gonna break it off with her.

**Toad #1 and #3: **Why!

**Toad #2: **Dude! Have you guys seen her! She has warts!

**Toad #1 and #3:** All toads have warts, you idiot!

**Mortimer: **Um...Guys?

**Toad #1: **Woah! That guy can understand us! And _he_ has warts too!

**Mortimer: **Yeah...Yeah! I'm a mutant. I have toad genes. I'm like you guys!

**Toad #3: **_To Mortimer. _Dude! Tell this knuckle head over here why he should stay with his lady toad!

**Mortimer: **Well...I've never had a girlfriend before. It's hard for me to get one because of my appearance.

**Toad #1 and #3: **Oh! We know how that feels! We haven't had dates since college!

**Mortimer: **_Explaining to Toad #2 _So...I say, if you presently have a girl, you should hold onto her for as long as you can, whether she's ugly or not. Because, chances are, you're probably uglier than she is.

**Blob: **Woah, man! That was deep...

**Toad #2: **I never thought of it that way! I think I'm gonna marry her! Yeah, I'm gonna get down on my knee and propose to her right now!

_Toad #1 and #3 cheer._

**Toad #3: **Good job! Now maybe you can get us some girls?

**Mortimer: **Please. I have yet to find one for myself! TT

**Blob: **Hey, aren't you still trying to get Scarlet Witch?

**Mortimer: **Yeah! It seems no matter how many times I try to kidnap her, she just doesn't seem to like me! I wonder why...

**Blob: **Beats me! That's what I'd have done. I find that when a man goes out of his way to kidnap the girl of his dreams, it means he _really _likes her!

**Mortimer: **There must be an easier way to win Wanda's affections... Perhaps I'll buy her chocolate and some of those... flower things that women seem to like so much... OO

**Blob: **Now you're just getting desperate!


	6. Cougars on the Loose! Toad goes Bananas

_Wolverine and Charles have just finished looking at the platypus. They are now in the aviary, looking at the American bald eagle._

**Wolverine: **_Points to bald eagle. _Hey look, Professor, it's you!

**Charles: **_Laughs. _I find her to be quite remarkable. Look how she stands on her perch, so noble and strong! She'll make lovely babies one day. If mankind we're to see just how amazing she truly is, maybe there'd be more eagles left on earth.

**Wolverine: **Yeah...

_Charles sees Toad and Blob walking over to them._

**Charles: **So how were the toads?

**Toad: **Um...Okay, I guess. I gave them dating advice...

_Wolverine stifles some laughter._

**Wolverine: **Because, you know, you're such a true casanova!

**Toad: **Hey! I'm working on it! ;;

**Wolverine: **Still chasing after that Scarlet Witch, there, Romeo?

**Toad: **She'll learn to appreciate me! I know she will!

**Wolverine: **_Sarcastic. _Sure thing, bub! Keep chasing that dreamjet!

**Toad: **Grr! _Covering his ears. _I'm not listening! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!

**Charles: **Don't be too upset, Toad. Logan's just joking with you. _Nudging Wolverine win his ribs. _Right, Logan!

**Wolverine: **Of course I am...

**Charles: **We're going over to the aviary, where all the smaller birds are. You two can come with us if you'd like.

**Blob and Toad:** Sure, why not!

_Wolverine, Charles, Blob, and Toad walked towards the entrance to the aviary._

**Toad: **_His stomach growls. He talks to himself. _Gee, I really should have eaten something when Blob and I were at the food court.

_Toad notices the sign by the entrance. It says: Room of Extremely Endagered Birds. Sweat begins to drip down Toad's brow._

**Toad: **_To himself again. _No! No, I can wait!

_The groups is moving farther away from Toad._

**Charles: **_Calling. _Toad! Are you coming!

**Toad: **_Calling back. _I'll be there in a sec!

_Toad groans and runs over to them._

_The group is now deep inside the aviary. There are tiny birds everywhere. Some fly around freely, others are in small cages._

**Charles: **_To group. _Now, try not to go too far. We'll be leaving soon.

_Group nods. Blob, Charles, and Wolverine go their own separate ways, leaving Toad all by himself._

**Toad: **Stay strong, Toad...Stay strong...

_He notices a tiny cage with a little purple humming bird inside._

**Toad: **Well aren't you a cute little bird. You kinda remind me of Wanda!

_The hummingbird cocks its head to one side, trying to make herself appear more cute._

**Hummingbird: **Cheep, cheep!

**Toad: **Well...Maybe _this _wanda will love me enough to let me touch her feathers.

_Toad reaches his hand into the cage to pet the bird. The bird gets angry and bites his finger._

**Toad: **Ow! Why you little-- _Toad opens his mouth, unleashing his long tongue. It goes through the bars, pulls out the bird and...WHOMP! Toad cries as he devours the bird. He feel extremely guilty. _Oh my God! I just ate Wanda! No wonder she thinks I'm a monster!

_Toad's stomach growls even louder this time. He snaps._

**Toad: **Must...Ha-- _Stomach growls again. _Graahhhhh!

_A white bird flies about him. Toad catches it with his tongue and pops it into his mouth. Another one comes by; Toad catches that one too._

**Toad: **_With mouth full of feathers. _WANDA, WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME! OO _Pant, pant, pant._

_At about this time, Sabertooth is giving a pep talk to the all the cougars in the glass cage._

**Sabertooth: **My fellow brethren! For years, the human race has had you bound in cages. But no more! I will free you from your plexi prisons and, from there, you will manifest into the wild, where should be! Any questions!

_Cougar #1 raises its paw._

**Sabertooth: **Yes!

**Cougar #1: **Will the outside have chocolate?

**Sabertooth: **Chocolate being your wildest dreams!

_Cougar #2 raises his paw._

**Sabertooth: **What is it?

**Cougar #2: **Does the outside really have cable t.v?

**Sabertooth: **Yes. And not just cable! They have Comcast, On Demand, T.E.V.O, and The Sopranos! Anyone else!

_The cougars remain silent._

**Sabertooth: **Good! _Sabertooth punches the glass. The plexi smashes into a million peices! _Onward my brothers! You are FREE!

_Wolverine and Charles are wondering around the aviary together._

**Charles: **Well, this is nice, isn't it Logan?

**Wolverine: **Yeah, except... _Wolverine observes the aviary. All the birds are gone and some of the cages have been knocked over. _Didn't there used to be more birds in here?...

**Voice: **Attention zoo-goers! There are mountain lions on the loose! EVACUATE! EVACU--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! DON'T EAT ME! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

**Charles: **Oh no!

_Blob runs over to Wolverine and Charles._

**Blob: **_Panting. _I came as fast as I could!

**Charles: **Blob, get Toad! We're leaving! _Blob runs back for Mortimer. _Logan, go find Saber--

_Sabertooth walks through the door with a look of pride written on his face. Wolverine runs up to him and grabs him by the collar of his coat._

**Wolverine: **You did this didn't you, you little--

_Sabertooth laughs menacingly._

**Charles: **There's no time for arguing! We'll talk about when we're in a safer place!

_Blob is running through the aviary, frantically searching for Toad._

**Blob: **_Calling. _Toad! Toooooooad! We're are ya, buddy!

_Blob sees Toad laying by one of the cages in a puddle of his own drool. The bottons of his fly are barely holding his jeans together and he is mumbling to himself. Blob runs of to him and lifts his head up._

**Blob: **Toad! Are you okay!

**Toad: **Wanda...Wanda...Wanda..Wanda...Wanda...Wanda...

**Blob: **Toad, snap out of it!

_Blob slaps Toad across the face. Toad wakes up._

**Toad: **Oh Blob! I just completely lost it! One minute, I'm fine. I'm looking at the birds, admiring their beauty and then..._This _happens!

**Blob: **What happened?

**Toad: **Wanda! I was thinking about Wanda and it made me sad...And when I was sad, I ate all the birds! All those endangered birds! _Toad bursts into tears._

**Blob: **_Crying a little with him. _Toad, you have an emotional eating disorder. You need help. Sometimes, I really get concerned about your eating habits.

_Toad looks at him with big, teary eyes._

**Blob: **Don't worry, man. I'll help you get through. We're gonna break your mortally dangerous eating disorder!

_Blob and Toad hug._

**Toad: **And maybe, somewhere down the road, I'll help you with your binge eating disorder too!

_Blob gives Toad a funny look._

**Blob: **What do you mean? I'm just fine. _You're _the one that just ate all the birds in the aviary ya fat lard!

**Toad: **_Sniff. _Why do you hurt me so...

_Blob picks up Toad and runs back to the group._

**Charles: **Good! Everyone's here. Lets go!

_Wolverine looks at Toad and his swollen stomach._

**Wolverine: **What happened to you?

**Toad: **I don't wanna talk about it... _Sniff. _


	7. Charles Works His Magic!

CLEVELAND, OHIO

_Wolverine is driving the new red Studebaker down the road. The group heres music._

**Toad: **Sounds like somebody's throwing a party...

**Voice: **All the little chicks with the crimson lips yell 'Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!' Livin' in sin with a safety pin 'cause Cleveland rocks!_ Louder. _Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! CLEVELAND ROCKS!

_The groups now sees cheerleaders with torches in hand. People are doing correographed dancing. Wolverine spots a portly man in his mid to late thirties with glasses and a bowling uniform._

**Portly Man: **OHIO----AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

_BOOM, THUMP!_

**Toad: **_Looking towards the back of the car. _Hey, what was that?

**Wolverine: **From the looks of it, I'd say that was Drew Carey.

**Charles: **Or what was _once _Drew Carey!

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF ILLINOISE

_The car is still driving down the road. It's night. Toad looks out the window and sighs miserably._

**Blob: **What's the matter, Toad?

**Toad: **Nothing. Still thinking about Wanda again. It's a habit...

**Charles: **Don't worry. You're sure to find a lovely girl someday!

**Wolverine: **_Laughs. _Nice lie, Professor!

_Toad burries his head in his hands._

**Charles: **_Internally. _It looks like he needs more than a few kind words to help him out.

_Toad blacks out. The car is gone and it's only he and Charles._

**Charles:** _Singing. _When life gets you down, Mr. Toynbee, and things seem hard or tough. And people are stupid, obnoxious, and daft and you feel like you've had quite enoooooooouuuuuuuuuugh!

_Charles jumps out of his seat._

**Toad: **What the! O.O

_Charles is now wearing a very snappy tux with a hat and cain._

**Toad: **Nice suit...

**Charles: **You have one too!

_Toad looks down. He is also wearing a tux with a hat and cain. He feels the tail of his coat._

**Toad: **Nice material!

**Charles: **_Talking now. _Just remember that you always have friends in us. Though it may not always seem that way, with Logan's contant teasing, we still care about you.

_Charles does a few tap dance moves. He motions for Toad to repeat after him. Toad folds his arms and shakes his head. Charles uses his powers to make him do it anyway. Toad taps and spins. The patting of the shoes hitting the floor goes 'clack, clack' all the while._

**Charles: **_Laughing. _Lets pick it up!

_A set of stairs now appears. Charles and Toad are standing together on the very top. There's a spotlight on them. Toad panics and is about to cover his eyes when Charles stops him._

**Charles: **You're safe here. No light can damage your eyes.

_Toad gives him a funny look and puts his hands down._

**Charles: **Come on! Lets see what you can do!

_Charles tap dances as he descends the stairs. Toad takes a giant hop further down the stairs. Upon landing, Charles takes Toad's hands and they do the Lindy Hop. Just when things seem strange enough, Shirley Temple appears at the top of the stairs._

**Charles: **Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Shirley Temple!

_There is applause in the background._

**Shirley, Charles, and Toad: **_Singing. _On the goooood ship Lollipop, it's a sweet trip to the candy shop. Where bon-bons play on the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay!

_Shirley disappears and Toad and Charles continued dancing._

**Charles: **Let the sunshine in, Mr. Toynbee!

_The sun appears out of nowhere. There are hippies dancing on each side of the stairways. Everybody puts their hands in the air and sways them back and forth._

**Everyone: **_Singing. _Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeet the sunshine in! Leeeeeeeeeeeet the sunshine in! The _suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun_ shine in! (x3)

_The song fades into a montage._

**Toad: **_Still partially asleep. _Leeeeeeeeet the sunshine in! Leeeeeeeeeeeeet the sunshine in--

**Blob: **Toad?

**Toad: **The suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunshine in!

**Blob: **Toad!

_Toad is startled awake._

**Toad: **Huh!

**Blob: **Your eyes were all twitchy and you were singing. What kind of dream did ya have there, pal!

**Toad: **..A pleasantly surprising good one...

**Wolverine: **Was it of Wanda?

_Wolverine and Sabertooth laugh._

**Toad: **No...Suddenly, it doesn't bother me as much that Wanda doesn't like me that way. I forget why I was so upset in the first place.

**Charles: **_Telepathically._ Well done, Toad!

**Toad: **_Smiling. _Thank you...

**Blob: **_Confused. _Who are you talking to?

**Toad: **Oh...No one... _Falls back asleep._

**Blob: **Are you sure?

**Toad: **Oh, that I am! _Toad winks at the readers._

**Blob: **What's the matter? Something in your eye?

**Toad:** _A little aggravated. _No. _Toad is now nice again. _'Night, Blob.

**Blob: **'Night, buddy.

_Toad and Blob both fall asleep. Meanwhile, on the roof of the car, Charles looks at the readers and winks._


	8. Poor Toad!

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF KANSAS

_Wolverine still has the wheel. Toad is still looking out the window, bored as ever._

**Toad: **I spy...with my little eye...something that is yellow...

**Sabertooth: **Hm... _Sarcastically. _Could it be corn?

**Toad: **Yep...

**Blob: **It's about the only thing any of us can see.

**Sabertooth: **I'm starting to understand why Magneto didn't want to take this trip.

**Toad: **I'm sure whatever The Master's doing right now is probably more important...and _far more _boring...than what we have to put up with...

_The camera cuts back to Magneto's lair. Mystique and Pyro are holding two ends of a jumprope. Magneto is jumping in the middle. They're all giggling madly as this is going on._

**Mystique and Pyro: **_Chanting. _Fudge! Fudge! Call the judge! Magneto's having a baby. His boyfriend's going crazy. How many babies will he have! 1..2..3...4...5...6--

_Sabertooth, Toad, and Blob let out a loud sigh, trying to imagine what strenuous work Magneto might be up to._

Wolverine: Hey, why are you all complaining? You guys get to sleep. I stay up all night driving this car!

_Upon passing dozens of rows of corn stalks, Toad notices a man covered in hay and tied to a stick. He has dark brown hair and is wearing dark red sunglasses._

**Toad: **Woah! Hold on a sec!

_Wolverine notices the odd-looking scarecrow and stops the car. Wolverine rolls down the window._

**Wolverine: **Hey, you look familiar! Don't I know you from somewhere!

**Scarecrow: **I don't believe we've ever met, sir. But I sure do wish I had a brain.

**Toad: **There should be a twister coming soon._ Sarcastic. _We'll be nice and leave you there so it will take you up to see the wizard!

**Scarecrow: **Gee! That's mighty nice of you. Thanks!

_Wolverine drives off._

**Sabertooth: **What do you make of that?

**Wolverine: **I'd say I have a good story to tell to Mr. I-Wear-My-Sunglasses-At-Night!

**Toad: **Maybe then, I could say hi to Ms. Slim Practice! _Referring to Jean Grey._

**Wolverine:** What did you just say!

**Toad: **Nothing. Only that your love interest is an easy target!

_Wolverine gets an idea._

**Wolverine: **You know, those nachos I ate last night have left me pretty gassy. I hope I don't--Pffffft! Uh-oh! Pffffffft! Whoopsie me!

_Toad, Blob, and Sabertooth try to roll down their windows, only to realize Wolverine has put them on lock. They are now banging on the windows, desperate to get them open._

**Toad: **Let us out! We're suffocating!

**Sabertooth: **Oh my God, this is torture!

**Blob: **This has to be worse than your claws!

_They begin screaming over and over again. Wolverine and Charles laugh all the while._

IN UTAH, DRAWING CLOSE TO NEVADA

_The groups new red Studebaker is driving down a gigantic highway with Wolverine at the wheel. Charles Xavier sighs as the wind blows passed him._

**Xavier: **Oh if I had hair on my head...

**Sabertooth: **_To Wolverine. _So where are we heading now?

**Wolverine: **To a wonderful suite in the middle of Las Vegas, Nevada!

_A huge smile stretches across Toad's face._

**Toad: **Show Girls...

**Blob: **Food...

**Sabertooth: **Poker...

**Wolverine: **Motorcycles...

**Xavier: **Squirrels...

_Everyone stares at Charles: OO_

**Xavier: **Since we were on the topic of things we like...

_One of the tires of the car pops. The car swirves out of control._

**Sabertooth: **Oh no!

**Everyone: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

_The car tilts to one side, Toad's on the low end of the car and Blob on the higher. Blob tilts with the car into Toad's direction._

**Toad: **SAVE ME!

_Blob rolls onto Toad's side, squishing Toad against the window. The car comes to a brief stop. Everybody is breathing heavilly._

**Charles: **Is everyone all right?

**Sabertooth: **I'm fine.

**Wolverine: **I'm fine.

**Blob: **I'm fine.

**Toad: **No, Michael Vale! It is _not _time to make the doughnuts! _Falls over._

_Wolverine goes outside and checks the car._

**Wolverine: **Here's our problem! One of our tires blew out!

**Blob: **But, luckily, there's a gas station on the other side of the highway that's sure to have plenty of new tires:)

**Charles: **But we best be quick. Rush hour's coming soon!

**Blob: **Now, who could we send on such a dangerous mission?

**Sabertooth: **He has to be fast.

**Charles: **He must be agile.

**Wolverine: **And he should be able to escape trouble in a single bound...

_Toad notices everyone has big grins on their faces._

**Toad: **Hey, why are you all smiling at me like that? _Their smiles get bigger and Toad finally realizes why. _AAAAHHH, DANGGIT! 

_All the cars are whizzing passed the group. Toad gulps._

**Toad: **I don't know if I can do this, guys...

**Charles: **Don't worry. We've got your back! Right guys!

_Blob, Wolverine, and Sabertooth have big smiles on their faces as they hold up their Nintendo remote controls._

_Toad looks at the highway again. He starts quivering._

**Wolverine: **Come on, bub! Don't be a pansy!

**Blob: **Do it for the Show Girls, Toad!

**Toad: **_Breathing deeply. _Show Girls...Right...

_Toad leaps off the sidewalk and into the danger. Everyone cheers._

_The highway now turns into an airial view, much like the game Frogger. Toad gets on the second row of the highway when Blob starts taking control. _

**Sabertooth: **_To Blob. _Make him go down! There's a car coming!

_Blob directs Toad a row down, just missing a red Toyota._

**Wolverine: **Okay, now up... _Blob moves Toad up. _Up... _Blob moves Toad up a second time._

**Sabertooth: **TRUCK!

_Wolverine: _Go left!

_Blob directs to right._

**Wolverine: **Your other left, stupid!

**Blob: **Hey! Don't call me stupid!

**Charles: **Please! We have a life at stake!

**Blob: **Quiet, baldy!

**Charles: **_Frustrated. _This is no time for arguments! We have to get Toad off the highway before_--The truck makes load beeping sounds as it speeds towards Toad._

**Toad: **ACK!

_The truck hits him up into the air._

**Toad: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! _Toad's screams fade as he is lifted higher and higher into the air._

_Sabertooth rolls his eyes._

**Sabertooth:** _To Blob. _NOW look what you did!

**Blob: **Me! If metal claws over here didn't give me such a hard time--

**Wolverine: **Well excuse me if you don't know your lefts from your rights!

_Toad's screams can be heard again. They become louder and louder each second._

**Blob: **I was doing a good job! Maybe if you were a little more patient with me, I could have--

**Toad: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

_Toad crash lands into the gas station. The roof collapses from underneath him. Everyone is silenced. After a few moments, Toad finally emerges from the rubble, terribly banged up. He makes an attempted smile as he holds up a brand new tire. Everybody cheers. Toad tries to make a 'thumbs up' sign but falls over._

**Charles: **Good job, Toad! Now all you have to do is bring it back over here!

**Toad: **Ugh...


	9. Something Brewin' in Nevada

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA

_The bright red Studebaker drives into Las Vegas. The city is full of lights and noises. Charles is waving his arms up in the air in celebration._

**Charles: **YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Sabertooth:** _Sabertooth raises his arms up too. _VIVA LAS VEGAS BABY! . 

**Toad and Blob: **WOOT!

_Wolverine laughs at the site of his fellow members acting like idiots._

**Wolverine: **Brace yourselves, boys! We're in for a long night of partyin'!

**Everyone: **ALL RIGHT!

_In one of the cascinos, Gambit and Darth Vader are playing poker against The Coolade Man and Howard Dean. They have bet alot of money_

**Gambit: **All right, mon ami. _Shows him his cards. _We have a full house. There's no way we'll lose this one!

**Darth Vader: **_heavy breathing._Excellent!

_Gambit lays down his cards to Dean and Coolade Man._

**Gambit: **Read 'em and weep! Now, I think I'll just be takin' this money and--

_Coolade Man lays down straight A's._

**Coolade Man: **OH YEAAAAAAAAAH!

**Gambit and Darth Vader: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

_The group has taken almost no time at all to settle themselves in Las Vegas. Wolverine and Sabertooth are avidly working the slots. Blob is selling out the buffet. Charles is doing wheel chair spins of the dancefloor. Toad is..._

**Showgirl: **_Giggling. _So you're from England!

**Toad: **Yep! I'm as foreign as they get:)

**Showgirl: **I love foreigners!

_Toad blushes and turns away._

**Showgirl: **What's with the goggles?

**Toad: **The goggles? Um...My eyes...They're very light sensitive.

**Showgirl: **Can I see?

_Showgirl tries to take off Toad's goggles, but Toad pushes her hands away._

**Toad: **Please! The light really hurts me. I'd rather you not.

_Showgirl continues giggling as she continues to try and reach Toad's glasses. Toad gets aggravated and wraps his tongue around her wrist. She screams and runs away._

**Showgirl: **You're a freak!

_Toad is a little hurt but tries moving on._

**Toad: **She's not my time anyway. I'm more of a Wanda type.

_Toad moves onto the slots, smiling._

**Toad:** I'll win her yet! I know I will!

_Meanwhile, Charles is owning the dancefloor. Smooth Criminal is playing is Charles does wheelies and spins._

**Charles: **_In Michael Jackson voice. _Shamon! _Clap. _Hee-hee!

_Toad looks over and Charles and decides he wants to join in. They are the center of attention of the floor. A few moments later, the rest of the group joins them. Meanwhile, the Showgirl Toad confronted is now conspiring with her other Showgirl friends. She points to Toad._

**Showgirl: **See! That's the guy who scared me away! He was a real Toad! _(Sorry for the stupid pun.)_

**Other Showgirls: **LETS GET HIM!

_The fangirls scream as they chase after Toad. The rest of the group tries to catch up with Toad first. Benny Hill music begins to play in the backround._

**Toad: **_Running. _You know..._ Puff. _I always told Blob that if I were to die... _Puff. _I'd want to die being chased by a group of sexy women... _Puff. _But I was only joking!

_Toad runs into a dead end. It looks like he's going to accept getting trampled by the Showgirls but, at the last second, he jumps and sticks to the ceiling. The Showgirls expect to catch him, but find nothing when they read around the corner._

**Showgirl: **Where'd he go! I could have sworn he was over here! Oh well...Who needs him anyway...

_Showgirls leave. Toad unsticks himself from the ceiling. The groups finds him and runs over to him._

**Toad:** Suddenly...I'm not liking Las Vegas so much...

**Wolverine: **I'm fine with that. I just blew my $500 on the slots and I didn't even win anything.

**Sabertooth: **Same with me...

**Blob: **And I sold out the buffet.

**Charles: **Then off to California it is then.

**Everybody: **California, here we come!


	10. Somebody Threw up on Baywatch and the OC

CALIFORNIA

_Wolverine's patience shortens as Sabertooth, Toad, and Blob pretend to be the Beach Boys, three-part harmony and all._

**Sabertooth: **If everybody had an ocean...

**Toad and Blob: **Ooooooooooooooooooooo!

**Sabertooth: **Across the U.S.A...

**Toad and Blob: **Ooooooooooooooooooooo!

**Sabertooth: **Then everybody'd be surfin'...

**Toad and Blob: **Ooooooooooooooooooooo!

**Sabertooth: **Like Califo-ni-a--

**Wolverine: **SHUT IT!

_Everybody gives blank stares to Wolverine. They're silenced. Toad takes out his Gameboy and starts playing Tetris again. The music from the Gameboy is louder than the actual singing that went on a few seconds ago. Toad happily bobs his head and hums along with the music. Wolverine looks back and him. Toad gulps and turns it off. He looks out the window and notices all the palm trees._

**Toad: **_Sighs. _It's not everyday I see those! But it feels great when I do!

**Blob: **Honestly, I've really been enjoying this trip.

_Toad smiles and nods._

**Sabertooth: **I wonder what Magneto could be missing this for...

_Magneto is in his lair once again. He is sitting behind a cardboard stage with little curtains on the side. Mystique and Pyro are watching with anticipation for the show to start. Magneto brings both his hands onto the stage. He has a sock puppet of Wolverine and another of Juggernaut._

**Magneto: **_In deep voice, vaguely resembling Juggernaut. _Ha, ha, ha! I'm going to destroy your institute! But not before destroying everything else!

_Magneto then holds up his Wolverine hand._

**Magneto: **_In a high voice, sounding nothing like Wolverine's. _You'll never get away with this!

_Magneto moves around the Juggernaut hand._

**Magneto: **_In deep voice again. _Off course I'll get away with this! I'm the Juggernaut! I'm unstoppable!

_Magneto lifts up the Juggernaut hand even higher, enveloping his Wolverine hand._

**Magneto: **_High voice. _Oh nooooooo! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeee!

_Mystique and Pyro clap._

**Mystique:** Yay!

**Pyro: **Again, again!

_Meanwhile, Charles, Wolverine, Toad, Blob, and Sabertooth are already hitting the beach. Everybody is now wearing red speedos and running to music from the O.C. They all laugh as the wind blows their hair around. Charles is wearing a giant blond wig. They pass by a child and his mother._

**Child: **Mommy, why are those weird people running in slow motion?

**Mother: **_Disturbed. _I don't know, son...I just...don't know...

_They pass by another group of people._

**Random Guy: **Put some clothes on!

**Random Guy #2:** Yeah! You could burn someone's eyes out!

_Random Guy #3 frantically in circles._

**Random Guy #3: **_Screaming. _Too late! UGH! MY EYES!

_Soon everyone is running around screaming. The group is totally oblivious of what is going on around them. Not until a good five laps around the entire beach do they decide to stop._

**Wolverine: **I've had enough running in slow-mo for one day. Now lets put our real suits on and go surfing!

_Everybody smiles and runs off into the men's room to change. Wolverine, Charles, Sabertooth, Blob, and Toad all come out in one-piece surfer suits and brightly colored surf boards._

**Toad: **_Punching his fists into his chest. _Ah...The water beckons me!

_And so they hit the waves...Blob tries to catch a wave, but only sinks to the bottom of the ocean upon standing on the surf board._

**Blob:**Hey! A starfish!

_Wolverine has Charles on his back. Charles has his arms stretched on each side as the wave takes them._

**Charles: **I'm flying! I'm flying!

**Wolverine: **Now just pray that I don't drop you!

_From the bottom of the ocean, Blob can see Sabertooth riding his surfboard above him. Blob grabs Sabertooth's leg to try and pull himself up but he gets dragged along with the surf board instead._

**Sabertooth: **Hey! Quit slowin' me down!

**Blob: **Just ride me to shore. I can't swim well.

**Sabertooth: **_Sarcastically. _Gee, I wonder why! No, I'm not gonna ride you to the shore!

**Blob: **Fine! You'll pay once I get out of this!

_The Blob begins walking the bottom of the ocean. The only thing visible from the water is his black mo-hawk. Toad is enjoying his time surfing. He eventually catches sight of Blob's black mo-hawk and..._

**Toad: **SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!

_Everybody runs out of the water in pure fright. Wolverine and Charles try to assist everyone to the shore. The life-guard then declares the beach off-limits. Sabertooth, Toad, Wolverine, and Charles are now on the shore._

**Charles: **Thank goodness no one was hurt!

_Wolverine, Sabertooth, and Toad are trying to catch their breaths. It is then they see Blob walking to the shore._

**Blob: **Sabertooth! I can't believe you left me under there! I had to walk all the way back to the shore; no swimming, just walking! I hope you're happy now!

_Everyone's mouths drop. Charles lets out a big, irritated sigh._

**Charles: **I'm going to pretend you just didn't say that...Come on. Lets just get ourselves over to the convention now. I'm already embarassed enough...


	11. The Convention Part One

THE CONVENTION

_Sabertooth, Blob, Charles, Toad, and Wolverine enter the convention. There are Star Trek, Batman, Star Wars, and anime fans everywhere. There's also a bunch of X-Men fans dressed up as their favorite characters. Wolverine spots a group of people all dressed like him._

**Wolverine: **Woah! I feel like I've just stepped out of a cloning machine that makes really nerdy versions of me!

_Toad spots a really over-weight, clumsy man dressed as him. He tries to stretch out his tongue but fails miserably._

**Toad: **Tch! Wrong costume there, pal...TT

_A man steps toward the group. He is wearing a black and red suit with a small, metal Saturn pin attached to the side of his shirt. He is bald._

**Toad: **Hey! Professor, that guy looks just like you!

**Mystery Man: **Allow me to introduce myself...My name is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise and I welcome you to this joyous celebration!

_Charles shakes his hand._

**Charles: **It is a pleasure to meet you, Captain.

**Jean Luc: **If you need anything, just tell me. There are snacks and sodas over at that table.

**Blob: **See ya guys! _Blob runs over to the snacks to stuff his face._

_Charles walks away from the group._

**Wolverine: **Where are you going off to in such a hurry?

**Charles: **I've been looking forward to meeting William Shatner and, possibly, getting his autograph. I trust you three can carry on for a few minutes without me. Just make sure Blob doesn't eat the entire snack table. We don't want any upset fans, afterall.

_Sabertooth, Wolverine, and Toad wave Charles off. Charles wheels away into another crowd._

**Toad:** Any one you've been wanting to meet, Wolverine?

**Sabertooth: **Hey! Don't you wanna know who _I _want to meet!

**Toad: **No!

_Sabertooth picks up Toad and is about to throw him into a concession stand. Toad, while in mid-air, unleashes his tongue, clamps himself onto Sabertooth's arm, and pulls himself back to safety._

**Toad: **Ha, ha, ha, ha! Not this time!

**Wolverine: **Well, I've been wanting to meet Chuck Norris for a while...Maybe learn some new moves from him, like his famous round-house kick. He's a black belt in karate, you know.

**Toad: **Good news for you. He's right over there!

_Wolverine sees Chuck Norris signing autographs. Wolverine runs off to meet Chuck._

**Toad: **_Sighs, not wanting to hang out with Sabertooth all day. _I guess I'll be off.

_Toad walks right into Blob. The impact of Blob's fat sends Toad flying backwards, hitting his head on the floor._

**Toad: **Ouch!

_Blob feels bad and tries to make it up to Toad by passing him a plain hotdog._

**Blob: **Want it?

_Toad smiles and swats the hotdog into his mouth with his tongue._

**Toad: **_With mouth full of hotdog. _Got any mustard.

_Blob passes him a mustard tube and Toad squeezes some into his mouth._

**Toad: **Ah! That really hits the spot!

**Blob: **Hey look! _Blob points off to some random direction._

**Toad: **What?

**Blob: **It's Galactus! Lets go see him!

**Toad: **Okay!

_Blob and Toad walk over to the man with the oddly-shaped helmet. Upon further inspection, Blob and Toad realize that this man is not Galactus, but..._

**Toad and Blob: **Magneto!

_Magneto takes off the Galactus helmet._

**Magneto: **Blast! How did you know it was me!

_Blob and Toad stare blankly at him._

**Magneto: **Icouldn't let you guys have all the fun! I was bored and I was free of work, so I decided to stop by here for a few moments. Where's Charles?

**Toad: **Over there with William Shatner.

**Magento: **_Calling. _Hey Charles, I see you've taken no time at all in enjoying the festivities!

_Charles walks over to Toad, Blob, and Magneto. His big bald head has been autographed by William Shatner._

**Charles:** Magneto! It's a pleasure to see you again, old friend.

**Magneto: **And how have my men been treating you? _He glares at Blob and Toad. _Not very well the last time I checked!

_Toad and Blob are scared and shrink into defensives stances._

**Charles: **I told them to strap me to the roof. They were only following directions. I wanted to make sure everyone could fit into the car so we could go to the convention. They've treated me with utmost respect throughout the trip.

**Magneto: **Good! Now where'd Sabertooth run off to?

_Toad is about to shrug when he looks over to see Sabertooth. He is getting an autograph from Strawberry Shortcake._

**Sabertooth: **Thank you so much! I'm your biggest fan! Really I--

_Sabertooth notices Toad looking at him._

**Sabertooth: **It's not what you think! I was just...Um...You see, uh...

_Toad smiles and takes out his camera._

**Toad: **Sweet revenge! Smile, tuna breath!

_Toad flashes the camera. A photo of a very angry Sabertooth appears._

**Toad: **_Kissing the picture. _You're going right into my photo album, that you are! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

**Sabertooth: **Hey! Gimme that!

_Sabertooth runs over to Toad to try to get the photo._

**Magneto: **Ah! Sabertooth, you've arrived. Very good!

**Toad: **Master, do you wanna see the interesting picture I took of Sabertooth?

**Magneto: **Not now, Toad.

_Sabertooth lets out a giant sigh of relief._

**Magneto: **We shall laugh and snicker at it _after _we return to the lair.

**Sabertooth: **D'oh!

_Toad glances into one of the crowds of fans and spots an attractive girl dressed as Scarlet Witch. Toad's eye's brighten with joy as he hops over to the mysterious woman._

**Toad: **Hello, gorgeous!

_The girl notices Toad and gasps with delight._

**Woman: **My God, you look just like the real thing! Awesome costume!

**Toad: **Huh? Um...No. You see, I'm the real--

**Woman: **Hey! Wanna reinact the time you tried to kidnap me at one of my many weddings?

**Toad: **Uh...

**Woman: **I belong to no one! Hi-ya!

_Woman picks up Toad and throws him out the window._

**Toad: **All I wanted was to be your everything! _Toad's voice fades as he soars farther and farther away._

_Blob looks up as his friend disappears into the sky._

**Blob: **I've definately got to buy him a parachute or something. Maybe some airbags, too...

_Toad comes back through the entrance. He is covered in scrapes and band-aids. Everybody stares at him._

**Toad: **It just wasn't meant to be, I guess...Tear, tear.

**Blob: **There, there. _He pats Toad on the shoulder. _Lets go beat up those Wolverine look-alikes over there!

**Toad: **_Toad feels somewhat better upon hearing this. His voice tightens up as he rolls up his sleeves. _You always know how to cheer me up...

More to come!

Renoir Fione


	12. The Convention Part Deux

_A few moments later, many of the Wolverine look-alikes are carried away in ambulances. Three fans dressed as Nelson from the Simpsons follow the van as it drives away with the Wolverine nerds._

**Nelsons: **Ha-ha!

_Toad and Blob are standing before Charles with their heads hung low. Sabertooth and Wolverine are on each side of Xavier with their arms crossed._

**Charles: **_Scolding. _Now what do you two have to say for yourselves?

**Toad and Blob: **We're sorry...

**Charles: **Sorry's not going to heal those fifteen Wolverine clones you mercilessly clobbered for your amusements. Their yellow spandex and tinfoil claws stood no chance against your mutant powers!

**Toad: **With those cheesy outfits like the ones they had, those nerds were beggin' for a beating!

**Charles: **No excuses!

_Blob and Toad hang their heads lower._

**Charles: **Now I want you two to stand in that corner and think about what you did!

_Blob and Toad are about to walk away, dragging their feet when they see a man in a nice blue suit and briefcase run towards the group._

**Man: **Gee wiz! I've been looking everywhere for you guys!

_Toad and Blob follow the man back._

**Wolverine:** And just who are you?

**Man: **Oh, oh! Forgive me! I almost forgot to introduce myself. _He holds out his hand for a handshake. Wolverine stares at it and then to the man. The man laughs nervously as he puts his hand down again. _Howard J. WhoopHasse, owner of the upcoming energy drink: WhoopHasse Extreme. I'd like you and your friends to star in my commercials.

**Wolverine: **And what if we don't?

**Howard: **_Holding up a ton of money. _Well, I don't think Ben and his friends would be too happy about that...If you catch my drift.

_Everyone stares at the money and they nod their heads rapidly in agreement._

**Everyone: **Deal!

_A few minutes later..._

**Announcer: **A brand new drink is sweeping the nation and it's coming to a conveniant store near you. WhoopHasse Extreme! It's the energy drink all the best superheros are drinking! But how does the amazing Wolverine open up a can of WhoopHasse! Lets find out!

_Wolverine is standing in the middle of a kitchen holding out the drink. He slashes through the can with his claws, making the contents of the drink squirt everywhere. He makes the thumbs-up sign._

**Wolverine: **WHOOPHASSE!

_Now back to the fanfic..._

_Blob and Toad are standing next to each other in a random corner. Toad is leaning his forehead against the wall. He lets his arms dangle below him._

**Blob: **What are you doing?

**Toad: **Counting the chippings on the wall. _Carrying a grudge. _Can't believe the old man sent us to time-out.

**Blob: **Only five more minutes to go...

_Toad sighs._

**Announcer: **While those five minutes pass, we may aswell give you another WhoopHasse commercial! A brand new drink is sweeping the nation and it's coming to a conveniant store near you. WhoopHasse Extreme! It's the energy drink all the best superheros...AND supervillains are drinking! But how does a formidable opponent such as Magneto open up a can of WhoopHasse! Lets find out!

_Magneto is sitting in a small kitchen next to a can of WhoopHasse Extreme. Just then, Magneto lifts up the can with his magnetic powers. As the WhoopHasse Extreme lifts higher and higher into the sky, he sends a huge train right into the can, creating a giant explosion. Magneto smiles at the camera and makes the thumbs-up signal._

**Magneto: **WHOOPHASSE!

_We now return you to the fanfic..._

_Charles Xavier is playing on a big metal Dance Dance Revolution on his wheelchair. Despite the bulky wheelchair, somehow, Charles has gotten the top score. Everybody is cheering him on._

**Charles: **Yes! I am the Lord of the Dance! Raise the roof! Raise the roof!

_Charles does the 'Raise the Roof' dance. Magneto is overjoyed as he lifts the entire DDR machine into the air. He lifts it gently up and down, synchronizing the machine with the movement of Charles' arms. _

**Charles: **Whoo-hoo!

_Magneto lifts the machine back down again. Charles is still laughing as he wheels himself over to Magneto._

**Charles: **We have so much fun when we're together! I don't understand why we can't be on the same team.

**Magneto: **But you don't understand Charles. You see...

_Pyro, Mystique, and Gambit jump out of nowhere and begin stomping their feet. The jet appears behind them._

**Magneto: **_In tune of Hollaback Girl. _

Uh-huh! This my jet! Foes jealous of it? You bet!

Few times I've been thrown to the ground,

Since the human race always brings me down,

But I ain't gonna take their crap, Charles,

I ain't gonna take their crap, Charles!

Few times I've been thrown to the ground,

Since the human race always brings me down,

But I ain't gonna take their crap, Charles,

I ain't gonna take their crap, Charles!

_Pyro, Mystique, and Gambit begin to sway in the background._

**Pyro, Mystique, and Gambit: **OoooooOoooo!

**Magneto: **This my jet! This my jet!

**Pyro, Mystique, and Gambit: **OoooooOoooo!

_Toad appears out of nowhere, munching on a banana._

**Magneto: **This Toad eats bananas! B-a-n-a-n-a-s!

**Toad: **Huh! oO;

**Pyro, Mystique, and Gambit: **This Toad eats bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

**Toad: **Who writes this stuff!

_All of a sudden, Renoir Fione crashes through the roof. There is silence. Everyone stares at her, dumbfounded._

**Renoir: **Um...Um...Look! Hue Heffner! O.O;

_Everyone gasps with delight and turn their head to look while Renoir Fione runs away. Magneto is the first to turn back._

**Magneto: **Drat! They always get away:(

**Mysterious Voice:** Don't be down, Magna! I know what'll make you happy!

_The PBJ Time Banana appears._

**Everyone: **_Horrified. _NO!

**PBJ Banana: **It's peanut butter jelly time! (x3) Now where y'at (x3) Now there y'go! (x3) Peanut butter jelly (x3)

_Blob appears next to the Banana. He is confused._

**PBJ Banana: **Do the Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat! Do the peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly with a baseball--

_Blob takes a gigantic piece out of the Banana._

**PBJ Banana: **_In agony. _OH MY GOD! WHAT DID YOU DO TO M--

_Blob takes another gigantic bite._

**PBJ Banana: **NO! WAIT STOP!

_Blob takes another._

**PBJ Banana: **AAAAAAAAHHHHH!

_And another..._

**PBJ Banana: **AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

_And..._

**Blob: **WHOMP!

_Everybody applauds. Blob bows._

**Announcer: **Um...Yeah...That was just about the most disturbing thing I've ever witnessed. I wish I'd never seen what I just saw...Anyway! A brand new drink is sweeping the nation and it's coming to a conveniant store near you. WhoopHasse Extreme! It's the energy drink all the best superheros, supervillains, AND evil henchmen are drinking! But how does a lard-butt such as The Blob open up a can of WhoopHasse! Lets find out!

_Blob is sitting alone in the kitchen with the WhoopHasse Extreme. The blob lifts up his shirt and grabs a great piece of his own fat. He aims his flab directly over the can and...SLAM! His fat squashes the can, making all the liquid contents fiz over. Blob looks at the camera with a big smile and gives the thumbs-up signal._

**Blob: **WhoopHasse!

**Toad: **I don't know...As insane as I am, this is starting to get...too insane.

**Blob: **Hey, it's a convention! Anything goes, right?

**Toad:** Still...

**Blob: **Don't worry. We're going home soon anyway. Then we can go back to kicking some X-Men tail!

**Toad: **_Smirking. _Sounds like a plan!

_Toad sees Jean Grey and Scott Summers walking towards them._

**Toad: **Well look who's here... _Talking to Jean. _I seeyou've got a little of my mucus still in your hair...

**Jean Grey:** _Annoyed. _Thank you...I didn't even notice... _She picks a little bit of green out of her hair._

**Scott: **_Annoyed aswell._Have you seen the Professor?

**Toad: **Not for a while.

**Blob: **I think he's with Eric...

**Scott: **Thanks...

**Toad: **Hey! You guys didn't stop in Kansas at any point in the trip, did ya?

**Scott: **Yeah. Why do you ask?

_Toad shifts his eyes in the other direction._

**Toad: **Oh...No reason...

_Jean and Scott begin to walk away, thinking Blob and Toad were done with them._

**Toad:**_Calling. _Hey, One-Eye, did The Wizard give you that brain you've been wanting so badly!

_Scott stops dead in his tracks. He is blushing furiously. He begins to walk on again. Blob and Toad burst out laughing._

See you in the next chapter!

Renoir Fione


	13. Le Finale!

**Announcer:** We're gonna start off another fabulous fanfic with a WhoopHasse commercial! A brand new drink is sweeping the nation and it's coming to a conveniant store near you. WhoopHasse Extreme! It's the energy drink all the best superheros, supervillains, evil henchmen, AND hybrid amphibians are drinking! But how does a warty, hopping mad henchman like Toad open up a can of WhoopHasse! Lets find out!

_Toad is sitting in the kitchen next to the WhoopHasse Extreme. He unleashes his long tongue and hooks it onto the can. He spins it a few rounds up in the air and smashes it into the wall. The contents in the can spill everywhere. Toad looks at the camera with a bland look his face and gives an unenthusiastic thumbs-up signal._

**Toad:** Whoop-- _Ribbit!_ ...Hasse...

**Announcer:** We now return you to our featured fanfic...

_Magneto, Charles, Avalanche, and Pyro are standing shoulder to shoulder in a straight line._

**Magneto:** _Singing._ One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell which thing is not like the others by the time I finish my song?

**Random Fan:** _Raises his hand._ I know! I know! It's--

_Scott and Jean run towards Charles._

**Scott:** Professor!

**Charles:** Ah, you've finally arrived. What took you both so long?

**Scott:** Um...

_Flashback!_

_Jean and Scott are at a dance hall learning some sexy salsa dancing in Kansas. (Don't ask.) There are many other dancers in the room who will occasionally switch partners. Jean and Scott are presently dancing with each other._

**Instructor:** _Clapping._ And one, two, cha-cha-cha! Three, four, cha-cha-cha! Come on! Try to keep up with me!

**Jean:** _To Scott._ This is so romantic! I'm glad I thought of this!

**Scott:** Me too!

**Instructor:** Five, six, cha-cha-cha! And SWITCH!

_A very robust lady grabs Scott from Jean._

**Jean:** Huh!

**Scott:** Help!

_Robust lady begins to dance with a very unwilling Scott. She bumps her hip into him. The force is so great that it sends him crashing through the window._

**Scott:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! _THUMP._

_Flashback over._

**Scott:** Yeah...Jean and I don't like to talk about that...

**Charles:** I understand.

_Toad and Blob run over to Magneto. They notice Pyro and Avalanche._

**Toad:** When did you guys get here?

**Avalanche:** A while ago. Magneto brought us here.

_Flashback!_

_Avalanche and Pyro are sitting in a little metal cart. They are strapped in tightly and they are wearing goggles._

**Magneto:** You two ready?

_Avalanche and Pyro throw their arms up into the air and cheer._

**Magneto:** _Very happy._ Oooooooookay...

_Magneto catapults the cart high into the air. It soars away like a comet._

**Avalanche and Pyro:** YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

_From miles away, Magneto sees a puff of black smoke appear in the sky._

**Magneto:** I love this job...

_Flashback over._

**Avalanche:** _Sighs._ Good times...Good times...

**Scott:** Professor, don't you think it's time we return home?

**Toad:** We were just about to ask the same thing.

_Blob and Toad walk over to the group._

**Scott:** Oh...you again...

**Sabertooth: **Always a pleasure to see _you_, four-eyes...

**Announcer:** And now for another WhoopHasse commercial!

_The camera crew and staff are screaming and running for their lives. Sabertooth is going on a rampage. One man trips and falls. Sabertooth wails on him._

**Man:** Ouch! No! Umph! It's a WhoopHasse commercial! You're supposed to be opening up a can of WhoopHasse!

**Sabertooth:** _Confusedly._ I know! I'm doing what you're telling me to do! I'm opening up a can of wupass!

_Sabertooth begins beating up the man again._

**Man:** Ouch! Oooo! Stop! NOOOO!

_The assistant director and Howard J. WhoopHasse are hiding under a table._

**Assistant Director:** Sir, don't you think now would be a good time to get a name change?

**Howard:** No! I wear the name WhoopHasse with honor! My father was a WhoopHasse, the father before him was a WhoopHasse, and the father before the father of my father was a WhoopHasse! I carry this name to the grave!

**Assistant Director:** Whatever you say...

**Announcer:** Oh...my...God... _The man sinks lower into his chair._ Why don't we just check back to see what going on with our heroes!

_There is a big cloud of smoke. Blob, Sabertooth, Toad, are beating the crap out of Scott._

_Jean and Xavier groan and hide their heads in their hands. Wolverine walks in just in time to witness the fight._

**Wolverine:** Why didn't anyone _tell _me about this!

_Wolverine also partakes in beating the crap out of Scott._

**Magneto:** Stop this! All over you! You're acting like a bunch of homo sapiens!

_Magneto lifts up all the fighters and throws them into different areas of the room. Wolverine crashes into a table, Scott crashes into a wall, Blob takes out the entire wall he lands on, and Toad hits the ceiling and then the floor._

**Toad: **_To Scott, in between groans of agony._ I bet you're leader doesn't show tough love like ours does!

**Scott:** _Also in between groans._ Shut up, wart-face! At least our leader isn't a lunatic!

**Toad:** _Sarcastically._ Ouch, four-eyes! That hurt my feelings!

_Scott tries to reach over to strangle Toad, but gives up and his arm falls to the ground again._

**Charles:** Magneto, there's nothing wrong with the human race. Someday, they will learn that mutants are not to be feared and we will live peacefully together.

**Magneto:** But how long, Charles? How long! Certainly not before our lives are through! I say if the humans can't live peacefully with the mutants, then we mutants have every right to earn our respect through fear. This is it, Charles. This has gone on far enough! I say we settle this score once and for all!

_The Brotherhood members get up from the ground and organize themselves into threatening poses behind Magneto. The entire rest of the team is also there. Just then, the entire X-Team appears behind Xavier as well._

**Magneto:** I think it is about time that we had…A SONG-OFF! _Echo…echo…echo…_

_Everyone gasps. Dun, dun, dun!_

**Scott:** A song-off! That's the worst kind there is!

**Magneto:** Hit it, men!

_Music to 'These Boots are made for Walking' begin to play. There is now a giant spotlight on Magneto. The Brotherhood members are in the background snapping their fingers._

**Magneto:** _Singing. _You keep saying you've got something for me. Something you call peace, but confess. You've been messing where you shouldn't have been messing.

**Brotherhood members:** THE BROTHERHOOD, THAT'S WHERE!

**Magneto:** But I'll tell you something you might want to know. This troop is made for marching. And that's just what they'll do. One of these days my men are gonna stomp all over you!

_Charles Xavier is not wearing a top hat._

**Charles:** But Erik, you don't understand…

_The X-Men begin to sing 'oooooo' in the background._

**Charles:** _Singing._ What…the…world needs now is love, sweet love! It's the only thing…Magneto… that there's just too little of! No not just for mutants…but for _everyone! _

**Magneto:** Oh Charles! Why must you go and spoil all the fun!

_Magneto and the Brotherhood put on fake, giant Barbara Streisand noses._

**Magneto:** _Singing._ Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter! Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter! Don't let another lecture rain on my parade!

**Charles:** I was not trying to lecture you, Erik. I was just trying to get a point across…because…

**X-Men:** _Singing._ WAR!

**Charles:** Huh! Yeah!

**X-Men:** What is it good for?

**Charles:** Absolutely—

**X-Men and Charles:** NOTHING!

**Magneto:** _Scoffs._ Make love, not war sounds so absurd to me!

**Jean:** All we're saying…

**Jean and the X-Men:** Is give peace a chance!

**Toad:** _Spoken to Scarlet Witch, the real one by the way._ Speaking of chances… _Toad brushes up next to Scarlet Witch._

**Scarlet Witch: **Keep chasing the dream train, Toad!

**Toad:** _Sniff, sniff, tear. Singing._ It's not that easy being green, having to spend each day the color of the leaves. When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold or something much more colorful like that…

**Magneto:** _A little irritated at Toad._ Let us get back to the topic, shall we! Charles, your views are just appalling to my standards. But, I still hope that maybe…some day…you'll see things my way…

**Iceman: **No way!

_The X-Men are now in giant Twisted Sister blond wigs._

**Iceman: **_Singing._ We're not gonna take it!

**X-Men:** NO! We ain't gonna take it! We're not gonna take it anymore!

**Storm:** You're so condescending! Your gall is never ending! We don't want nothing, not a thing from you!

_The Brotherhood is now also in giant wigs._

**Sabertooth:** _Singing. Pointing an accusing finger at the X-Men. _Your life is trite and jaded, boring and confiscated!

**Mystique:** _Singing to the X-men._ If that's your best, your best won't do!

**Scott:** _Shouting back at the Brotherhood._ We're right!

**X-Men:** Yeah!

**Blob:** We'll fight!

**Brotherhood:** YEAH!

**Both Teams:** WE'RE RIGHT! YEAH! YOU'LL SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

**Juggernaut:** _In a perfect soprano voice._ He's there, the Phantom of the Opera!

_All the singing stops. The X-Men and the Brotherhood stare at him, dumbfounded._

**Juggernaut:** No, really! He's over there!

_The Phantom of the Opera waves._

**Random fan:** Oh my God! I want his autograph!

**Magneto:** Well, Charles, this looks like a tie! I grow weary of this song-off so until next time… _Calling._ BROTHERHOOD!

_The Brotherhood gets behind Magneto again._

**Magneto:** MOVE OUT!

_The entire Brotherhood takes out the back wall of the building as they run to their escape pod. The X-Men stare for a little while in confusion._

**Storm:** Well…This was certainly an interesting day…

**Charles:** _To X-Men._ So, who's up for ice-cream?

**X-Men:** Ice-cream! YAY!

**Renoir Fione: **And so, once again, The Phantom of the Opera and ice-cream save the day and now both teams are back, safe and sound… But as Charles sits in his study, he looks back to those happy days when he was in good company of the enemies that were, for a short time, his friends...

**THE END!**

Well, my fanfic has come to an end. But for those of you that liked my work, don't worry; I'll be making others soon. I'm thinking of making a reality show spin-off or something, perhaps, maybe, a sitcom. Until then, I shall say 'adieu.'

Sincerely,

Renoir Fione


End file.
